The teacher

Tom revising

Also for anyone sitting the I.T WJEC exam (or thicko’s/common sense exam) who is……privileged to own a copy of “The Teacher” don’t use it. There is more fun, satisfaction and pleasure in watching paint dry in a fountain.


For those of you Who don’t know what “the Teacher” is, it is not a multi million dollar Blockbuster, nor is it a thrilling novel. Instead it is some Teacher from Bridge-end’s half assed attempt of making revision software “fun"
Thankfully it is not filled with the Shitty jokes from companies like C.G.P (child, Gonnareha patrol)

In fact it contains hardly anything at all. All the information is drivel, and even as a student studying I.T for four years, I can say its meaningless to anyone.
It is in-fact the most boring thing I’ve ever red.
I’ve read Ketchup Bottles with more interesting facts.
It makes “Kitty cat Nutritional Value” a gripping novel

Being new to this revision it seems like a waste of time. Instead Ill play the PS2, wouldn’t you?

But then I thought no. Ill do some work
Instead I found the God of all games
“Line Rider”
For anyone not privileged enough to have ever seen the game it is the most addictive game of all time. The game revolves around drawing lines and a little man on a sled sliding down them
Sounds crap?
He dies at the end. Now how crap does it sound?
Seriously you’ll have to trust me and download it. it’s a new vision on Revision (Sorry), or at least stops me doing it.

School's Finally out

Well, 13 years of pretending to work are finally over, and i can now lay back and relax, and do nothing for 10 or so weeks. There is proof therefore that there is no heaven, as we experience the closest thing to it after our G.c.s.e’s

Firstly I would just like to explain (not apologise?) on why I couldn't blog for the last few weeks, (that is if anyone stumbles on my blog,) and it is the poor quality of Google Blogger. If I ever fell the need to Blog, I am confronted with various complaints about my username and/or password being incorrect or not "Valid". Some more inquisitive people would try to discover what the problem is.

Not me.

I’m too lazy and just avoided blogging, using the computer, and sat on my fat arse in front of The TV for countless hours watching crap American T.V, eating junk food, and most probably destroying my body mentally and physically. (hence the current Greasy look)

Meanwhile most of my friends are all away revising and stressing themselves out beyond belief, personally I couldn’t give a shit about revison and would rather laze about all day. But there is another reason that I avoid The computer.

Msn.

Another way for people to dump their thoughts and feelings on me. But that rant i will save for another time.

Instead some good news.

Today I found that as I sat on my desk piled full of English work, that
a) you can’t give yourself an epileptic fit with a £5 Ikea Lamp
b) I cannot concentrate for more than 5 min’s
c) My cat does like cheetos I found under my bed.
d) my parents seem a lot happier when I look to be revising, rather than when I’m watching house.

who' ever said revision is useless

Seriously, How bored do you have to be to drink 7 cups of tea in 4 hours?


Tom

Basking in the April Sunshine

But its raining outside..........

Good evening Folks, and what an evening it is. Not only is it ST Georges day (so we have to listen to them over the border moan on about how patriotic the English are, even though their country is filled to the brim with foreigners) but it is Shakesphere's birthday and supposed death day, and so in tribute id like to say these words

You dont know how much pain youve caused school children do you...


And now that's over with id like to give you an update, I failed on my first draft of the letter I ranted on about last time, made 5 mistakes, so basicly everything I complained about. But anyway I have a New complaint :


Teen Spirit


Now anyone who is in the dark about Teen spirit it is a nightclub styled disco that is available in South wales, at certian times of the month. It is organised for 13-17 yr olds, where they can "chill" and "hang out" without the influences of drugs or alcohol.
Well It sucks ass. Now Its not just with people who journey to this Disco(suprisingly enough), even though most are fat ugly girls, who decide to call themselves Bi-sexual, in an attempt to get attention from boys, who otherwise wouldnt look at their cherry red faces and ballon styled guits that plunge over their waste line. Its the whole event that annoys me.
The music, apart from the casual song seems to all be extreme heavy metal squealing, or "Inde" Twats singing about how they shagged their freinds mom. (which is obviously a lie, their all homosexual) I can just about stand the emo shit, save Fall out Boy which has the same effect on the dance floor as a kid with Diarrhea and an extremely weak bladder, and bands such as Sum41 etc, but its the othe 700000000% of the songs that no-one knows the names for. Thats not all

The prices are ridiculous, £5 entry/£6 at door and £1 for every drink. personally I'd rather gurgle acid, or the drink the fat "pig-goth's" sweat that pours off their forehead. How do they generate the smell that surrounds them? Plus the air is similar in texture to the London Smog. all that you can taste for hours is Cannabis Leaf mixed with sweat. Another thing that pisses me of is the dudes that think its funny to throw cans at the guy in the corners, and giggle. Childish Twats.
The volume of the music that is measured on the Richter scale, leaves you feeling like you've spent four hours in the Somme. For months id always say "yeah im up for teen" or "teen, sure, sounds fun..", but now my ears cannot take the pain.

So when i was asked today "oh tom, Teen tonight?"

I replied "Fuck off, the things that teen sprit stands for make me sick"

WJEC, evil evolved

Well, now I finally figured out to use this thing, I might as well start using it


Good day,
Just finished brushing off my English Oral, and as I browsed through its 12 cynical pages I couldn't help but to reflect on how shit our world actually. that's actually the main reason why I started this blog, so I can stop pissing off all my friends with all the cynical shit that pours out of my mouth, as well as eating Swedish Meatballs From Ikea, which I thoroughly recommend.

Anyway, Id just like to get some cynicism off my chest now

The first thing that annoyed me today was the ludicrous layout for a letter. I mean wtf? For those of you who don't actually know there is a correct way to lay out a letter. If I do not master the one true and correct way then I will lose a hell of alot of marks on My English Paper. The wjec sees it as a priority to strip kids heavily of marks for Minute mistakes on the most bizzare layout since Microsoft decided to turn windows 95 into some sort of House, complete with a living room, and swimming pool that the user could only stare out in envy at, sitting in his cold brick house in the middle of Kent.


The first loop that the examiner expects you to jump through is that the address lines must be in slanted form. now this is not just a slight slant, if any of the three lines look any where near "squared line up" then they steal the marks away like food from a small Ethiopian kid, or knocking over a Puzz 3d Tower of Pisa (by the way it doesn't come with all the pieces, if you ever bought one you'll know what I mean) that takes 5 days to build with the instructions the size of a particularly small bacterium. If God had to use instructions that small he'd of said "fuck earth, ill go Perv on the angels changing..."



Any way back to the Letter, after you finish the Address "13 chis wick street" (what the fuck is that?) you, for some reason have the need to place a date in direct en-linement with the first line, or once again you lose marks quicker than change falls out of my pocket, which is Phenomenal.


Next there is need to shove ion the business Address, even though it appears on the envelope, and the reader already has it. Perhaps he needs a reminder where he is? It follows the layout of perfectly straight lines parallel, one above another at exactly the same length or guess what happens? If you cant guess then you are either a great optimist or have little, or more probably no brain at all. Well after they've taxed you on those marks they give you the most drab situation ever, for example,

Your washing machine has broken down, write a letter to the C.E.O of Hotpoint to display your anger

or

Write a letter to Tony Blair ex planing how the Winkle Finch is dying out due to yobs throwing stones at its nest.

Both have as much appeal as castrating yourself with a butter knife.

Once you've moaned about the yobs (and inevitably the asylum Seekers, The war on Iraq and the Turks from Llanelli) you have to sign off with the correct sign off note, Once again if you put in the wrong one Fate pushes you further down and down into the C/D boundary.

And the final trip rope is if you dint PRINT your name underneath you lose more marks again (the jokes on them, there are no more marks left)

All of this for 10 measly marks.

Wjec for you

" only about 30% Get the letter right..." J.P English Teacher and examiner


No wonder.......

Tom

Welcome Note.

So, you've finally done it...
You finally admitted either:

a) You Like Tom, In which case, I win.
b) You're sad enough to search the net for Tom. Not just Tom though, but with the dot. In which case, I pity you.

It's probable that you live at home, on your own or with your mother, and some sort of dog named Charlie. That ugly dog that will inevitable look like Lassie, that you think was cool, but now, it its twilight year, next to death, its leaving hair all over your brand new couch. And of course, falling asleep in its own shit.

If at THIS point, you are freaked out by how much I know about you, I suggest you close your blinds in future, I can see your fat gut from here.

If you seem to be lacking a sense of humour, don't bother reading again. Or posting comments or infact breathing.

Tom.